November 2011
1 post
Hell yeah! Fuck yeah! Shit yeah!: I need your... →
hellyeahfuckyeahshityeah:
As you know, I opened up for Russell Peters last weekend in Phoenix. It was an awesome show. So awesome that Mr. Peters was nice enough to offer me an opening spot on this upcoming weekend’s show at Carolines on Broadway in New York. Here’s where you come in, I need the money to get there and stay…
September 2011
2 posts
My Sincerest Apologies: Randy From Comcast Tech... →
I would appreciate it if you read my latest National Lampoon piece. Please tell me what you think and if you like it, share it!
Serious Question...
How do YOU deal with tragedy?
August 2011
2 posts
4 tags
PLEASE VOTE. THIS WILL BE THE ONLY TIME IT'S...
I am nominated for “Best Under 10k on Twitter” by National Lampoon. Please vote and share. http://nationallampoon.com/twitterawards
1 tag
My Sincerest Apologies: Barnes and Noble →
I just did my first piece for National Lampoon and would really love for you to read it!
July 2011
10 posts
1 tag
Truthful Tuesday
Axwell from Swedish House Mafia is my brother-in-law. Kinda. He’s married to my step sister.
I try not to get too mushy but to all those on here who have stuck with me on Twitter through all the good jokes and the bad, you are appreciated and loved.
<3
June 2011
27 posts
Jonas Polsky: Open Letter To Any Woman Who's... →
jonaspolsky:
Dear Women Who Dump Guys For Being “Too Nice”,
Congratulations on dumping that guy who was just “too nice” for you to date. I admire your strength. Now you’re finally free. Free to go find that perfect guy who will ignore you, say you look fat, and interrupt your “my day” story to punch a…
Twitter Elites
Just heard about the “Twitter Elites” thing that’s been going around.
Two things:
1. Maybe they don’t reply to everyone because they have fucking jobs/lives. A majority of these people are writers and they get paid to do just that not read every tweet in their reply timeline.
2. If they followed back everybody that followed them, there would be a bunch of unfunny,...
1 tag
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WatchGreen Lantern in 30 seconds…
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Song O’ The Moment. So good in concert.
An Interview with Steve Amiri.
the-humourdor:
Although Steve Amiri isn’t a household, or even mainstream comedy name, I’m riding on the likelihood that he’s going to be, boosting this website’s credibility infinitely. But really (folks, zaniness aside), dude’s funny. He’s constantly popping up on “World’s Greatest <blank> Tweets” lists, and for good reason - his Twitter is funny as fuck - he’s becoming one of the...
2 tags
WatchDoubling Down. [NSFW]
1 tag
WatchGet To Know The REAL Me…
May 2011
11 posts
3 tags
Hashtag Game: #StevenPurchases
We played a little hashtag game tonight on items my tweeps thought I might have purchased. Some very funny ones! I compiled my personal favorites:
@snobbygirl17 tampons, a sharpie, motor oil, crunchberries and rubber gloves.
@kattni Cat food, a bottle of tonic, and a baby gate.
@jaydoubleyew vhs video tape, a sexual item that alludes to you being a homo, and an out of production snack food.
...
2 tags
Truthful Tuesday: Lunch Launch
About a year back, I made a lunch run to Burger King and picked up food for the whole office. On the way back, I wasn’t paying attention and had to slam on my brakes for a red light. All of the french fries flew out of the bag and into the floorboard of my car. I was too embarrassed to tell my colleagues what happened, so I paid them each a buck and half from my wallet and told them that...
Guy Tip #75
guytip:
Meeting one of her guy friends from college? Just assume they’ve fucked and don’t talk to her for the rest of the night. Chicks dig that.
Guy Tip #143
guytip:
If you start singing “Rolling In the Deep” to the hostess at Chili’s, you WILL get asked to leave.
My new side project, inspired by a tweet. Feel free to contribute.