January 2011
46 posts
“I wanna eff Ryan Reynolds.” - My Mom & 3/4 of IMDb Message Board Users.
I like to think that the reason that my dad rarely commends me for anything is that he’s saving it all up for when I win the Nobel Prize.
I’m about to pop a couple of Tylenol PM and try to fall asleep to a balloon animal instructional video. Goodnight.
Sometimes I think about pornstars doing stuff other than having sex & I laugh. I’m sure if they pictured me having sex they’d laugh harder.
Jesse Eisenberg looks like he’s trying to look over someone’s shoulder to see their PayPal password.
I bet bingo halls are pretty stoked about the whole Two and a Half Men hiatus thing.
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Method to My Madness/Anatomy of a Joke
I just posted the following joke on Twitter:
This was not my original concept for the joke so I felt compelled to explain how the joke originated and how I “butchered” it for tweet’s sake.
Keep in mind, this usually is how all my jokes go and I agonize over structure, placement, and details.
I was on my balcony smoking a cigarette when I saw a guy leaving Subway with a...
Egypt is hardcore about their internet. When my internet is down, I eat a whole Tombstone pizza & fidget with the edge of a throw pillow.
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Confession Time: I secretly hope the women on IMDb’s Fresh Faces fail in Hollywood so they’ll end up doing porn.
Late Night. A couple of episodes of The Larry Sanders Show, then brush my pubes and off to bed (Chuck E. Cheese ball pit). G’Night.
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Fake Poster Synopses: Source Code
Okay, I think this poster looks ridiculous and I’ve taken it upon myself to write fake synopses based on what I see in this poster. I’ll start with a few I posted on Twitter/WitStream:
“A small town tries to pave a road with photos only to find that they’ve angered an ancient Indian burial ground!”
“A sharply dressed man gets more than he expected on his...
For crotchshots: http://www.stevenamiri.tumblr.com
Last call tweeps. Get your asses over to Witstream.com for LIVE! State of the Union tweeting. Let us make it more bearable for you!
Counterfeit Love
robdelaney:
Nine years ago I moved to Los Angeles from New York. I was a year out of college. When I found an apartment I liked, its management wanted a slightly higher security deposit than I could cover, so I asked my mom if she could wire me $300. She did so, and I picked it up at a Western Union. I brought the money to my bank, Washington Mutual (which collapsed two years ago during the...
MILF Porn really wants us to just take their word for it. Maybe a cutscene of them dropping their kid off at daycare or a birth certificate?
I really think ‘The Rite’ is going to be that Anthony Hopkins guy’s breakout role.
Some Thoughts About Wizard and My Youth...
The news of Wizard Magazine closing its doors saddened me a bit. Almost in the same way of hearing that a relative that you didn’t necessarily keep in touch with had passed away. It also brought up some fond memories of my childhood that really helped shape me into the fine fellow you see today.
I posted on Twitter how my introduction to Wizard was in the 4th grade. I bought one from...
Got in a fist fight with Mr. Wizard in a Denny’s parking lot. #oprahssecret
RT @WitStreamdotcom: Did you know Oprah has a big secret she’s gonna reveal tomorrow? Our people have some theories: http://www.witstrea …
Parkour/Spitzer
dailyhuff:
STEVEN AMIRI: Parkour/Spitzer = ratings through the roof!
STEVE HUFF: “Watch Eliot acrobatically dodge a gauntlet of Girlfriend Experiences!”
You know that shit would be AWESOME, too.
[TWITTER]
“MTV’s…” - What I say right before I take a shit.
Sometimes I remember that Beverly D’Angelo isn’t really Chevy Chase’s wife and I get upset. Why don’t they see what we see?
You’re all gonna feel stupid when it’s revealed that Lil’ Wayne was Tracy Chapman’s Chris Gaines.
The Daily Huff II: Today, on Twitter →
dailyhuff:
I tweeted, “‘Coretta, have we run out of coffee?’ ~ Martin Luther King #lesserknownMLKquotes.”
LeVar Burton retweeted that and it kind of took off, with over 80 RTs and counting. Folks thought it was funny and that’s good, because I wanted it to be, but it came from a serious thought—all…
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Why (Mythbusters)?
Why do Adam and Jamie tell people not to attempt their experiments at home? Everybody who watches it is poor. We don’t have all the materials they have and none of us have hundreds of Home Depot gift cards just lying around. I can barely afford the cable to watch the expanded tier it’s on!
Smart fuckers.
Love,
Steven
WatchBreath Libel.
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Cue The Second Shoe...
Entertainment Weekly has reported that Ted Williams, the Homeless Man with the Golden Voice, will be checking into rehab for alcohol abuse thanks to some convincing from Dr. Phil.
Poor Guy. Having to listen to Dr. Phil talk for an hour.
When I first saw this video and the popularity that followed it, I was worried. Everyone was quick to report that Ted had received offers from the Cleveland...
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